During these times, I realized that I've been very lucky to have encountered more open-minded people than people whose concept of right and wrong is an arrowhead pointing either east or west.

I'm 32 and unmarried. About 2 years ago, I would've told you I didn't want to get married. I was then having an affair with a married man and I wanted so badly for him to leave his wife, so I was really kidding myself. I wanted to get married but it wasn't possible given my state of affairs. I don't know at what point it changed. The married man and I drifted apart and I suddenly realized that I am fine the way I am - single, no romantic partner and not looking for one. It must have been a form of self-fulfilling prophecy. I talked myself into loving what I am, unattached, unhindered and cool about it.

When my boss's new housemaid (a 21-year old girl from the province) couldn't believe that I wasn't married and asked if I was telling the truth, I didn't know how to react. I didn't know if I should be offended or amused. She wanted to know if I had "textmates," which is the term for strangers you regularly send text messages to. I smiled, thinking, "I'm 32, for crying out loud! I have no fucking textmates!" But she's naive and the kind of girl who was brought up to believe that a girl should be married before she reaches 25. (I would've been that kind of girl too, had I not studied away from home.) And she probably means well. I decided to be nice and just tell her the truth. (Well, she'll be cooking my meals.) I told her I didn't want to get married. She didn't believe me. I smiled and changed the topic. About 2 minutes later, I told her I have to go to my room and take a shower.

I'm never fit to socialize because I abhor more kinds of people than I can live with.

You're absolutely absolutely right! No one needs anyone in this world, you know. But even in this so-called modern society, we still continue to frown at women who remain unmarried past the 30-year-old mark while men who are not married past the age of....say 55 are considered what? career-minded? carefree?

As for being in love with a married man, all I can say is that you don't choose who you fall in love with, your heart does.

love,
marsha

I've grown up enough to know that it isn't always love. If I have to work too hard at it (which I did with the married man), it isn't worth anything much. Love should be something you want to work on, not anything you have to work on.