The phrase motivated underachiever was coined by Harvey P. Mandel and Sander I. Marcus and is explained well in this WikiEd article (http://wik.ed.uiuc.edu/index.php/Motivated_Underachiever):


For more on motivated underachievers, click on the above link.

The phrase is new to me; in fact, this is the first time I came across it. At first glance, it is ridiculous because, c'mon, how can an underachiever be motivated? But the presence of motivation, as per the article, does not pertain to wanting to achieve anything; rather, it refers to the exact opposite.

I googled the word underachiever because I'm working on a short film and a book on underachievers. I wanted to check out if anyone on the Internet takes notice of the seemingly brilliant people who haven't gotten anywhere. (Obviously, I consider myself one, and therein lies the reason for my interest in it.) Most of the hits I got involved those with clinically diagnosable illnesses or handicaps (for example, ADHD), but that's not what I wanted to look at. I wanted to see comments by or about seemingly healthy people who just don't push themselves hard enough to live up to their potentials. There would be all the reasons for why they would be successful, but while the average people have overtaken them in terms of recognizable achievements, they have stayed stuck, either content with their mediocre performance or unable to do anything to muster enough courage to risk stepping up.

So, if any of you actually read this and I have struck a chord, perhaps because you are that person or you know someone like that, I'd love to hear from you. Hit me with your motivated underachievers tales and let's make sense (or try, at least) of this condition. It is the underachievers' misfortune that, by the nature of this -- I'll say disorder for lack of an appropriate word -- disorder, very few will actually take notice.

Anyway, it's not life and death, not war and peace, but it may help put the pieces together for some of us. There's no final answer (I doubt if there is for any kind of social or psychological affliction of which this may arguably fall under) but as in all works-in-progress, we'll take it one day at a time.

I always get ahead of myself, even online. I just went on Google and typed in "submitting manuscript." There is no "manuscript" to speak of, so what the hell did I expect to "submit"? I saw the search results and I had to overwrite the word "submit" with "wri" to make it "writing manuscript." And now I'm thinking, that's still jumping the gun, isn't it, because in order for something *go to Google to see the definition of manuscript; there's a pause at this point while I'm Googling; wait a minute, when you use the word "Google" as a verb, do you write "google" with small letter g or "Google" starting with a capital letter? Obviously, this is a very confusing entry, or as Britney Spears would call it, stream of consciousness, although her poetic attempt really missed the point, oh what the hell!* to be called a manuscript, it must be "the form of a literary work submitted for publication." If you're still conceptualizing it, it can't be that. I guess I need to go back again. This time, I'm typing in "writing" although I'm sure that's not a good search word, being by itself very ambiguous. But that will have to do for now.

Earlier, I was "talking" to Kyan Douglas. In my head, he's confused about his sexuality and would consider sleeping with me even if I'm a straight girl. (I'm so unoriginal because Madonna has done this with Rupert Everett - another why-are-you-gay-goddamn-it! - in a movie.) We're talking about gayness, of course. I told him that society still perceives it as an aberration. If someone's kid turns out to be gay, very few parents (perhaps 1 in 7,983,087) would be genuinely happy he became that way. Sure, many of us see them as entertaining, talented, well-rounded and special eventually, but we'd rather have them straight. Kyan asked me, "How would you feel if it was your child?" I had to think about it. And Kyan had to go pee.

While he was in the gay men's room, I pondered over it, determined to give him an answer that would blow his mind. But he never came back, got flushed out when the paracetamol finally sank in. The question, though, remained.

Nobody will ask an expectant parent, "Would you like your child to be a boy, a girl or gay?" It stops after the "or a girl." And while some parents would say that it doesn't matter as long as the baby is healthy, I don't think the "it doesn't matter" covers gayness. If it were my child, I'd be scared for him, because society in general is homophobic and would pick on him for the slightest reasons - feminine tendencies (which even straight men have), where he takes a leak (Kyan, at least, gets to have his gay men's room in my mind), hygiene and fashion acumen (is it my child's fault if he's been trained to look clean?), getting straight A's (at least with that, he's straight). He would be very lucky to get through college unscathed, and that would be partly my responsibility although it would be impossible to shield him from hurt, but if he does get out, I would have been a success as a parent and he'll live a marvelous life (not uncomplicated, though) because he's admitted to himself what others cannot. I don't think there's any straight person in this world that has looked at another member of the same sex, marveled at some of their physical features, and not gotten scared that he might be having homosexual tendencies. It could be just them wishing that those features were theirs, but with emotions, who can tell the difference? Lust becomes labeled as love, frustration as anger, sadness as depression. It could as well be sexual attraction and that can be scary because then the tables would be turned.

So Kyan, here's my answer: I would be very scared for the reasons already stated above, but feel blessed because I have a child willing to admit to himself and to me something that most people consider to be an aberration. To me, it's going to be just another day and I'd be proud to walk him down the aisle one day (if he's unlike Mom and wants to get married, of course) to meet another wonderful gay man at the end of this aisle. Still, he, more than anyone, will need to be told about safe sex. By the time this needs to be done, I hope I'm reasonably armed.

And with that, Kyan sweetie, I'm ready to have your baby. No safe sex for us.

By this time, I have recovered from the sheer ecstasy of finding my name among the list of new lawyers. Oh yes, dear, don't go being snotty with me because I'm mean; I just passed the 2005 bar exams. (I'm number 960 on the list.) Man, it feels good to say that. After weeks of agonizing over an uncertain fate, I find myself halfway between exalting myself and saying all the things expected of a humble individual. Oh no, I'm not humble, especially not when it comes to my intelligence (or what I believe I have, which may not exactly be what I have). Anyway, I'll write about the details of this exhilirating development when I have more to say.

But why does everyone around me say that now, they can commit crimes? Hahaha, shows you what kind of society we have.

Mwah, mwah! I love the world today!!! 

Ad Lib: Coitus of Eclectic Words
Buy Ad Lib: Coitus of Eclectic Words in hardcover or paperback

This compilation takes you to the heart of nowhere -- a vast expanse of nothingness inhabited by a creature who wishes neither to be understood nor appreciated.

The random words in this book claim to be in the poetic form, proving once again that nothing is sacred in this world, and the consecrated literary medium of Walt Whitman, et al., is, yet again, violated.

ACCLAIM FOR THE AUTHOR

"She expertly weaves simple words into rows of convoluted nonsense." -- Deh V. Lish

"[The] author... truly touches high heavens with her delusions of grandeur." -- S.K. Paid

"Her genius is rare, impossible to improve on. How can anyone improve on nothing?" -- Dr. U.G. Knicks

"Bravo! You are the master of clichés." -- Ellie Vay Tore

"Excuse me, Mylene who?" -- Madame Ei T. Quette

has finally been uploaded! Click on this link to download the file:

http://www.upload2.net/download2/g1ceScnZHDqScX6/feb06.pdf.html

As before, you need Adobe PDF reader to read it. You may download it for free
at the Adobe website:

http://www.adobe.com/products/acrobat/readstep2.html

Have fun everyone!

Thanks Marsha for the earlier comment. I didn't really mean it that way. I'm one to be in love with life although I probably am inarticulate about it. Right now, it's just too cramped, such that when I "breathe" I can't say I want to submerge again.

But enough explanation. One of these days, I'll yak my brains out again and no one will be able to stop me.

Check out this website for some more of my writings, the forbidden outputs, the things I do so that I don't have to go back to those that I need to do. Oh man, that doesn't make sense, but whatever.

http://mistresseyes.blogs.friendster.com/bug_me_some_more_and_mayb/

I'm still alive, dammit!

Well, not exactly. It's still filled with my rants but pretty soon, it will be a real family website. Watch out for that.

Check it out:
http://www.masangkay.net

I've just recently started getting serious about reviewing for the bar exams and I realized that I don't have much time. I still have to work on (1) a thesis I promised someone (he would be unnamed for fear of academic consequences) I would do for him and (2) April's MORASS. I better start!

Till next time

Death is everywhere on the Internet. First, Terri Schiavo died. Then the Pope weakens. Let's not mention the almost-daily ordeal of people with families in Iraq who expect in dread that one day, someone will call them to relay bad news.